You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize