I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
