Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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