that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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