paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
