i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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