drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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