Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
