I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
