I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Randomize