who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
