I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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