Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
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