omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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