Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
