it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
