i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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