Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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