omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
