i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
