If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
