I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
