dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
