I'm lost and stupid without you.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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