I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize