No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
it's like iHOP with fire
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
