i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
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