Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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