I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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