it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
nutella sex= disaster
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize