I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
