Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Did I show you my penis last night?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
