one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
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