We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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