Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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