If i could tip my vagina, i would.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
