Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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