i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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