Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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