I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
