I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize