Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
