Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize