she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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