hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
