My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
