Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Randomize
