writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
