I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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