Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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