I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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