Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
