I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
