I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize