The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
