i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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