Where did you get a picture of my penis
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
