Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize