i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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