I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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