My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Farmville is her only friend.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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