Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
