okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize