he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
