I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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