Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize