i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
