and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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