i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
