Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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