I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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