i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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