My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
