when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
