The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
No stitches, just platelets and will power
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
