the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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