It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
