found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize