I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I wear drunk well.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
