I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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