Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
