is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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